7/17/12

An Explanation & Reflections


I figured that this post would have to come at some point, but I was putting it off until I could really put everything I am feeling and thinking into words. I'm not promising that I can do that efficiently even now - I have a hard time doing that as it is - but I'm going to try because I promised a while ago that I was going to be real with you guys. So here we go. My relationship with Nat ended a little over a month ago. You might have noticed that I haven't been talking about him or showing photos of him. I've been talking a lot with my good friend Maggie about this, because she too recently went through a break up.

In all honestly, I am not the type of person to retain that positive attitude that is sort of necessary for something like this. After reading Maggie's post, I thought to myself, 'gee, why can't you have that attitude?' and truth be told - I'm getting there, so all is not lost. I suppose I've always been a person who struggles with finding happiness in themselves and not looking for that special someone to make everything right. I'm not saying that's why my relationship ended, but rather, once a relationship does end, it makes you really consider the relationship and the ins and outs of it. The main reason that Nat and I decided to end our relationship was because of the fact that I am going to be moving to Seattle at the end of the summer, and Nat is going to be a senior in highschool this year. We both agreed the distance would not work out.

I've been hurting lately because of this whole thing. Really, it's just a rough situation. There is no easy way out and no simple solution to feeling better. I loved Nat and I still do but we knew things weren't going to work out. I feel like the most difficult thing about this whole ordeal is the aspect of a person being there in your life... and then just suddenly... they are gone. Nat wasn't just my boyfriend - he was my best friend. I think it goes without saying that when you commit yourself to a relationship, that significant other is close in a way that no other person is close to you. You can tell them things and you trust them; you know they are going to be there for you.

I suppose it's difficult being alone. Yet, it is also amazing. In Maggie's post, she talked about all the good things about being alone and independent and it dawned on me that I never really consider it from that perspective. (There I go again..admitting to having those cynical tendencies...) I dwell on all the reasons that I am sad that I am alone instead of enjoying the other side of it. Now, I'm speaking a bit in the past because today as I'm writing this, I am feeling good. Decent. For me, I think it will take a while to truly be happy that I am single and now a different person - an independent person. Certainly leaving and graduating from high school has helped that push though. I am taking this summer and the time I have left before leaving for Seattle to truly delve into who I am as a person. A person without a boyfriend and someone who can be happy on her own.

23 comments:

  1. well written and I love the post image :)

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  2. You're really brave for writing about it here. I hope that the hurting doesn't last so long, and you can find peace and happiness in independence. You also have a lot to look forward to, and obviously very happy memories to look back on.
    (Honestly, I am really in awe of how gracefully you wrote about it here...a few years back I broke up with a boyfriend who was code-named on the blog but never had the guts to actually say what happened...he just disappeared from the blog one day).

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  3. I'm sorry about your breakup, but I love that you are changing your attitude about it. This just recently happened to me also. Long distance relationships don't really seem possible at this point in my life. I wish you the best of luck with your future in Seattle. I've always wanted to go there.

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  4. Thanks for sharing and for being honest. Ending a relationship is never easy, and it's hard to have to tell people about it afterwards, so I admire your bravery.

    This might be annoying advice, but time makes things better. Will be thinking of you :)

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  5. The end of relationships are so hard but it's such a great time to be independent! I spent a lot of college lamenting being single (women's college!) but now that I look back, those were such wonderful times. You can be close with friends in a way that you just can't when you're dating someone. You can also think about what YOU want to do without anyone influencing your decisions. So much will happen in college and you will meet so many people...and who knows? Maybe you and Nat will reconnect later if you're meant to. These things don't tend to be as linear as people say they are...

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  6. Oh goodness! You give me way too much credit. It's a trying effort to be positive but telling myself I AM okay is half of the battle. Eventually, after I told myself enough times that I was okay, I began to FEEL okay. I love this post and I know that only the best is in store for you- you have so many wonderful things ahead and Nat will always be an amazing chapter of your life just as Niklaas was. What's meant to be will be. I'm really really excited for how this is going to make you stronger- two and a half months in and I feel so much more like my own person than ever before and that feeling when you get there is absolutely liberating. You're amazing, E, don't you EVER forget that. You're worthy of only the very best <3<3

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  7. p.s. email me anytime. i mean that whole heartedly :)

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  8. I totally know the feeling. My boyfriend and I broke up a year ago for a couple of months and it was one of the hardest decisions I've had to make. Just like you, him and I were best friends and it was heart wrenching to cut someone so important out of my life. With time it will heal and it all happens for a reason. My boyfriend and I eventually worked things out and I think all in all it made our relationship stronger. You never know what will happen in the future, and it looks like you have such a bright and exciting future ahead of you! Keep your friends and family close to you during this and it will get better. I promise :) It definitely takes time, but slowly & surely it all heals.
    <3

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  9. As you know, I broke up with my ex last summer because of distance. Him in the US and me in the UK. I was hurting for a really, really long time, eve n though I knew it was for the best. Now though, I am so happy to have my independence back and be on my own. I'm back in the US, doing what I want to do, travelling and living my life, and only thinking about what I want. It takes time, but I'm so glad you're going to college single. I was with my first boyfriend for a few months of my first year of university and it meant that I was miserable and didn't enjoy my experience. I think you will enjoy the experience so much more alone. Plus you're moving to an amazing exciting city!
    This is going to suck for a while, but you need to accept that it will suck. Don't force yourself to be happy yet.
    You're so brave Elanor. I can't wait to see what the future brings for you.

    Charlotte x

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  10. I'm so sorry to hear this. :( You're already handling it amazingly, being able to end it on such an amicable note, and I commend you for that. You probably remember when my relationship ended in December, and it was much the same case as yours, in that I know what it's like to not only lose your boyfriend, but your best friend, confidante, cheering squad, and just all around your other half.

    I'm really happy that you're giving your all to moving forward with your life, and learning to be happy with just yourself. I know that's not always easy.

    If you want to talk, anytime, you know where to find me. :)

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  11. Firstly, I'm really glad that you're being able to see things from a new perspective--it's true that you gain lots of things, but then again, both will have their positives and negatives. It's also good to know that you two didn't break up for a lack of love but because of the distance. You'll be able to start college with a clean slate, if that's a safe way to put it, and I think it will help you out. Better now than later, huh?

    Secondly, I'm also quite sorry that this had to happen to you. It's okay to not be a positive person all the time--who can be?--especially over something like this. It's wonderful that you were able to make a post about this to all of your followers, and your honesty is quite amazing. I hope that all will go well for you (and that is has been for the past month!) now and in the future. Keep yerself in one piece, you lovely thing, you. <3

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  12. i am so sorry to hear about your breakup. i know how hard they can be, but you have to just trust that things happen for a reason. when i was leaving highschool i left a boy behind as well... one who was my first love. it was truly difficult and very sad to drift apart and move on, but it got easier with time, and i met the lovely man i am with today. the future is good :) and i am always here if you want to email!


    Xo,
    steffy
    Steffys Pros and Cons

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  13. Shucks Elanor :( My heart absolutely goes out to you in this hard time. I will say that you have so much more courage and bravery than I ever will have (same goes for Maggie!). There's been many times I've wanted/needed/should have broken up with Matt but was just too scared of losing him to move on and I stay in this relationship because it's 'safe and 'easy.' Often I don't have the courage to stand up for myself and do something that makes me happy. Through reading both of your's and Maggie's break up posts, perhaps someday I'll have the courage to do what I need to do. Stay strong, you're not alone...we're all here for you ♥

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  14. Oh E, you are such a wonderful person and such a smart young lady. I love how honest and sincere you were about the situation; a truly mature and respectable thing. Breakups and hardships will always be a part of life and something that all of us will face. It may hurt now but eventually the hurt will become numb and dissipate with time. I know that with my last relationship it was extremely tough for me because I was only 18 and getting divorced while everyone else was getting married. I realized that it was time to take control of my life and figure out exactly what I wanted and needed in my life, and now it's your turn to go through the same process. It's time to start living and going after just what you want, E. Be strong, and you can totally email me anytime if you need someone to talk to. I wish the best for you love. ♥♥
    xoxox

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  15. Thanks for sharing, E - you are not alone - and your open and honest reflections will be helpful to others dealing with similar struggles. I'm so proud of my girl - xoxoxo

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  16. Thanks for sharing, E - you are not alone - and your open and honest reflections will be helpful to others dealing with similar struggles. I'm so proud of my girl - xoxoxo

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  17. you're braver and stronger than you think. it's always hard to tell in the haze of something painful, but you've got a great future ahead of you, and I think we're all totally confident you'll deal with it splendidly. good luck!

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  18. Oh Elanor, you're such a strong, amazing person. Going through my break up with Zak, the hardest, hardest part was just his absence. Going from someone being around constantly, in a particular role, for so long, to just not being there. It's hard, but you will get through it and do so many amazing things. You have such a good attitude about being on your own, and being independent. I admire you so much <3

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  19. i feel like 2012 is the year of long term relationships ending. and i have totally been in your shoes. and i wish you the best best best. seriously. you're amazing.

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  20. I admire your strength and willingness to change your attitude and outlook... My thoughts and prayers are with you, love!

    You will grow stronger and more confident in yourself through this, and who knows what the future holds!

    Thank you for telling your readers about this, as always, we wish you the utmost happiness and care about you so!!

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  21. Aw I'm sorry to hear about this. The post-high school break up happens so often, but there's no doubt breakups hurt a ton. There's so many good reasons to be in a relationship and so many good reasons not to be in one. I think it's good to focus on the positives of the side of the fence you're on! Everything will be okay. It just takes time.

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  22. Ugh, this is what happens when I disappear from Blogger. Like, I started wondering about this during the week and then I thought, huh... I'll check het blog to see if she's okay and then stumbled upon this and I'm really sorry, Elanor. I am here for you and even though this happened over a month ago, if you ever need to talk to someone, I am here for you. For everything you need because I seriously appreciate you as a friend and as a person. Love you tons

    Alex

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  23. Elanor, I started wondering about this during the week and then decided to check your blog (because I disappeared from Blogger a long time ago) and stumbled upon this and I'm very sorry to hear about what happened. I know this happened over a month ago but I want you to know that I am hear for you in case you need someone to talk to. I appreciate you as a friend and as a person!

    -Alex

    (i forgot my other mail to blogger but you know, i follow you on like every single social media)

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